DIRFloortime® Capacity 3: Two-Way Communication and Early Emotional Signals

The third DIRFloortime® capacity is intentional two-way communication. The child begins to do more than express a wish: they enter a back-and-forth exchange.

One person starts, the other responds, and the first notices that response and carries on—or brings the exchange to a close. Gradually, the exchange can last longer and longer. In DIRFloortime®, these exchanges are called circles of communication. The more of these circles happen as we interact, the more experience the child gains of “I can affect another person,” “I am understood,” “I can continue,” and “I can try a different way if the first did not work.”

The length, stability, and continuity of an exchange are useful assessment markers for this capacity and those before it. To remain in an extended interaction, the child needs sufficient regulation and attention, awareness of another person’s signals, and the ability to manage reciprocity without losing connection after every response. So this capacity helps us see how the earlier foundations are working together.

A circle of communication need not involve speech. The child pushes a car toward the adult, who returns it, and the child anticipates another turn. The child reaches for a jar, the adult briefly pauses, and the child strengthens the gesture or looks toward them. The child runs away and looks back, the adult follows in a clear playful rhythm, and the child invites another turn. Parents can recognize communication where they previously saw only running around or pulling a hand. For practitioners, these moments are part of the developmental work, not a distraction from it.

What to observe

Notice how the child initiates and responds to another person’s initiative. Pay particular attention to pace: how long does it take to produce a signal, notice a response, process it, and continue? Sometimes we have already helped, asked another question, and offered several prompts while the child is still getting ready to respond.

A child can ask in many ways besides crying out: pointing, leading someone, offering an object, looking, making a sound, changing a movement, approaching, or moving away. Do they notice the adult’s response? Try again? Anticipate continuation? Close the circle or immediately leave? These observations are more precise than simply asking whether the child speaks.

A child with fluent speech may still struggle with this capacity. They may produce phrases without reciprocal exchange, answer questions but rarely initiate, or repeat learned forms and become lost when the adult responds differently. Conversely, a non-speaking child may communicate strongly through gesture, movement, gaze, sound, and objects. Speech matters, but it is not the only measure of communication.

What you can do

Create small opportunities for another circle. Rather than tightly closing a jar as a test, pause briefly with the lid. Rather than anticipating everything, leave manageable space for the child to signal. Rather than asking ten questions in a row, pause and wait for a response in an accessible form. If the child can only reach out, respond to that gesture and gradually expand it instead of immediately demanding the word “give.”

Respond to the meaning of the signal, then gently add complexity. The child pulls the adult toward the door. The adult says “there,” follows, pauses at the door, and waits for another signal. The child pushes the adult’s hand toward a toy. The adult recognizes “help,” begins helping, and pauses. The child protests. Instead of arguing, the adult asks, “Not like that? Show me.” These moments develop reciprocity as well as requesting.

Common mistakes

One major mistake is expecting speech before the child has developed nonverbal communication. If a word becomes a password required to obtain something, the child may learn the form without experiencing a genuine exchange. Speech should grow out of real communication, not take its place.

Another mistake is doing everything too quickly for the child. The adult notices a wish and immediately fulfills it out of care. But without space to signal, circles of communication do not grow.

A third mistake is failing to attune to the child’s pace. Their communicative rhythm may be faster or slower than the adult’s. The adult may need to slow down, become more animated, speak less, or wait longer so the child can notice them and sustain the exchange.

Progress is visible when the child remains engaged, interested, and reciprocal for longer, and communication chains gradually lengthen. This can happen while responses remain simple, repetitive, and nonverbal. Longer exchanges indicate growing capacity across the first three developmental areas. They also lay the groundwork for language. The child is getting ready to use words with another person, not simply to pronounce them.

Continue through the developmental capacities

• Functional Emotional Developmental Capacities in DIRFloortime®
• DIRFloortime® Capacity 2: Engagement, Relationships, and Falling in Love with the World
• DIRFloortime® Capacity 4: Complex Communication and Shared Problem-Solving